Shame is powerful in that it communicates two opposing messages depending on the health of the person. It can branch off into healthy shame and lead you down a path of accepted humanity or it can take you down the road of toxicity and educate you on every reason why you should hide yourself fromContinue reading "The Power of Shame"
Spirituality and Intimate Relationships
Our spirituality and ability to engage in healthy relationships goes hand in hand. The binding factor is shame. There are two types of shame we can experience: healthy and toxic. Healthy shame gives us permission to be imperfect and maintain our value. Toxic shame relies on factors outside of us to determine our worth. ItContinue reading "Spirituality and Intimate Relationships"
Anger vs. Resentment
Emotions are messengers. They have no moral compass and no control over how we use them. Among all the emotions, anger is one that we tend to shy away from. If I ask clients if they felt anger after having been wronged, they have a hard time acknowledging it. Some will allow themselves the feelingContinue reading "Anger vs. Resentment"
Negative Control and Resentment
Negative Control and Resentment Codependents spend a lot of time and energy on maintaining the status quo. We are most comfortable when the elements of life are predictable and calm. It’s fun how life doesn’t really work that way. Bruce Feiler in his book, Life Is In the Transitions, noted that “the average person goesContinue reading "Negative Control and Resentment"
A Balanced Outlook
When we struggle with codependency, there is a tendency to experience life in extremes. While this can be exciting, it creates a pattern in our lives that feels a bit chaotic and out of control. Our emotions have all the power and may feel too big for certain experiences. The impact of extreme living effectsContinue reading "A Balanced Outlook"
Extremes as a Distraction
Pia Mellody describes the symptoms of codependence as displaying themselves through the way we think, feel, and behave. When I think about these elements in extremes, I think about what they have provided. We as humans are not prone to doing something that has zero benefit. So, if living in extremes is sabotaging our lives,Continue reading "Extremes as a Distraction"